i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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