She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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