look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
