I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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