Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
