I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
