Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
