I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
