u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
