I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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