ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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