mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
