trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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