a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
