Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
