Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
