I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
