Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
