...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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