sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
