Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
