doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
