I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
home. puking in laundry basket.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
