Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize