Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
