you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
