Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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