I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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