so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
