Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
