I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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