the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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