The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
