I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
