Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
