you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
