Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
