his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
