The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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