it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
