Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
someone owes me an orgasm
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
