I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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