No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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