So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I party with great urgency now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
