Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
