If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
