"it" just moved
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
