I cockslap morals
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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