He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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