I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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