i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
