Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
