I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
