it's like heaven, but drunker
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
