I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
